Thoughts on Motherhood, Reproduction, and Infertility

Where do I begin? First off, I was diagnosed with Turners Syndrome at 3 years of age; my parents told me about my diagnosis at age 9. I've been dealing with the incredibly personal issues of motherhood, reproduction, and infertility ever since.

As a child, I was very much into playing with all types of dolls. During my Mom's pregnancy with my little sister when I just shy of my 3rd birthday, I often pretended I was pregnant. At 9 years of age, I was still playing with dolls unabashedly. And for me, my parent's explanation of Turner Syndrome and my resulting infertility will always haunt me. For her part, my Mom was exceptional. She simply told me that I shouldn't give up on my dream of having children someday. In her opinion, by the time I was ready to have children (late 20s, early 30s in her mind), the technology would have caught up and would allow me to conceive - naturally or otherwise.

As a teenager, I really struggled with the harsh reality. However, through a lot of introspection and contemplation, I became a lot more accepting of the reality by the time I finished high school and left for college. At that time, I was determined to adopt and possibly go through IVF (possibly with my sister as an egg donor). I had grown up seeing examples of successful adoptions right before my eyes, and to me, it is still simply a different path to motherhood. I firmly believe that the bond between mother and child is just as strong - and in some ways, changed for the better - via adoption.

Currently, I find myself dealing with all of the unknowns once more. My fiance and I would love to have children naturally, but we are unsure of the truth of my diagnosis. As a result, the possibility of us getting pregnant naturally might be a distinct possibility. I find myself not wanting to know the truth. I want to just hope for the best and try vigorously once we are married. However, there is still a very good chance that the diagnosis was correct. As a result, I am looking at adoption. My fiance and I have ruled out IVF if I do have TS simply due to the fact that we are unsure if we are able and willing to go through all of the heartache. And how does one ask one's sister to be an egg donor? Up until her freshman year of college, my sister didn't even know that I wanted children at all. As a result, I feel as though I am right where I started so very long ago - unsure of what path to take.

However, I do know this. My greatest ambition is to become a mother and create a wonderful family. Right now, my fiance and I are working hard to create the stable environment a child needs for a wonderful childhood. I just don't see how I could live my life completely without the experience of motherhood.